A woman is repeatedly told that she is incapable of making decisions. Her husband controls the household finances, questions whom she speaks to and discourages her from visiting her family. When she objects, she is accused of being ungrateful, disrespectful or difficult. Eventually, she begins questioning her own judgement.

In another household, an argument ends with a slap. The husband apologises, attributes his behaviour to anger and promises that it will never happen again. Relatives advise the woman not to make an issue of it. After all, they tell her, disagreements are part of married life.

The circumstances are different, but both women may be experiencing domestic abuse.

In the first case, there may be no bruises, no police complaint and no visible evidence of violence. To outsiders, the marriage may appear perfectly ordinary. Even the woman herself may struggle to identify what she is experiencing.

In the second, physical violence has occurred, yet the assault may be minimised as an isolated incident, an unfortunate expression of anger or a private family matter.

Neither situation should be dismissed.

Domestic abuse is often associated with bruises, broken bones and physical assault. These are among its most devastating manifestations, and no cultural tradition, marital obligation or family disagreement can justify them. Physical violence can result in serious injuries, permanent disabilities, psychological trauma and, in extreme cases, death.

Yet physical violence is not the only form abuse takes. Behind closed doors, intimidation, humiliation, sexual coercion, financial deprivation and psychological manipulation can also become instruments of control. Some occur independently; others accompany physical violence or form part of an escalating pattern of abuse.

More troublingly, some of these behaviours are so deeply embedded in everyday expectations of marriage and family life that they are rarely questioned.

October, observed as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, provides an opportunity to examine a problem that extends far beyond national boundaries. In Pakistan, where marriage is frequently understood as a relationship between families rather than merely two individuals, the distinction between compromise, obligation and coercion can become particularly difficult to navigate.

The question, therefore, is not simply how many people experience domestic abuse, but how many recognise it when it happens, and how many are encouraged to dismiss it even when they do.

Abuse beyond physical violence

Domestic abuse is often better understood as a pattern of behaviour through which one person seeks to exercise power and control over another. However, individual acts of violence can also constitute abuse and should not be disregarded simply because they have not become habitual.

Physical violence is among its most recognisable and dangerous manifestations. Slapping, punching, kicking, choking, pushing, restraining someone against their will and threatening physical harm are all forms of abuse.

The severity of physical violence should never be measured solely by the visibility of injuries. A slap that leaves no mark remains an act of physical aggression. An assault does not become acceptable because the perpetrator later apologises, claims to have lost control or insists that it was an isolated occurrence.

Nor should physical violence be excused as a means of discipline, an assertion of marital authority or a response to perceived disobedience.

Such justifications are particularly concerning when they encourage victims to tolerate violence until it becomes more severe. The absence of repeated assaults does not make an initial incident harmless, and the possibility of escalation makes early recognition and intervention especially important.

Certain forms of physical assault carry particularly serious risks. Non-fatal strangulation, for example, can cause severe internal injuries even when external marks are absent and is associated with an increased risk of subsequent lethal violence in abusive relationships.

Physical violence also has consequences beyond immediate injuries. Survivors may experience chronic pain, disability, anxiety, depression and persistent fear, while children who witness violence may suffer emotional and developmental harm.

However, violence can also occur without physical contact.

Emotional and psychological abuse may involve persistent criticism, humiliation, threats, intimidation or deliberately undermining someone's confidence. An abusive partner may repeatedly dismiss another person's feelings, threaten abandonment, manipulate events or make the victim doubt their own perceptions.

This last behaviour is sometimes described as gaslighting, although the term should not be confused with ordinary disagreements or differences in recollection. It refers to a pattern of manipulation that causes someone to question their memory, judgement or understanding of reality.

Financial abuse, meanwhile, can involve withholding money for essential expenses, preventing a partner from working, confiscating earnings, controlling access to bank accounts or forcing someone into financial dependence.

It may be particularly difficult to identify in households where one spouse traditionally manages the finances. The distinction lies not in who earns or manages the money, but whether financial arrangements are being used to deprive another person of autonomy, security or basic necessities.

Sexual abuse can occur within marriage and intimate relationships. It includes unwanted sexual activity, sexual coercion and the use of threats or intimidation to obtain sexual compliance. Marriage does not eliminate the importance of consent, although the legal treatment of sexual offences within marriage varies between jurisdictions.

Another increasingly significant dimension is technology-facilitated abuse. Monitoring someone's phone, demanding passwords, tracking their location without consent, threatening to release private photographs or restricting their online communication can become instruments of coercive control.

These behaviours may overlap. A person subjected to financial control may also experience emotional intimidation, social isolation and physical violence. In some relationships, psychological threats reinforce physical violence, while the fear of another assault becomes a means of controlling everyday behaviour.

The World Health Organization (WHO) recognises controlling behaviour, psychological abuse, physical aggression and sexual coercion as dimensions of intimate partner violence.

Not every disagreement, financial difficulty or unhappy relationship amounts to abuse. Relationships inevitably involve conflict and compromise. What distinguishes abusive behaviour is the presence of coercion, intimidation, harm or a sustained attempt to deprive another person of autonomy. Physical assault, however, does not require an established pattern of controlling behaviour to be recognised as violence.

The different forms of domestic abuse may have different consequences, but none should be normalised, excused or dismissed.

A global crisis that remains largely hidden

Domestic and intimate partner violence are not problems confined to any particular country, income group, educational background or culture.

According to estimates released by the WHO and its UN partners in November 2025, approximately 840 million women worldwide, nearly one in three, have experienced physical or sexual violence by an intimate partner, sexual violence by a non partner, or both during their lifetime.

The report, based on data covering 2000 to 2023, found that approximately 316 million women aged 15 and above had experienced physical or sexual violence from an intimate partner during the preceding 12 months.

Despite greater international recognition of violence against women, the WHO estimated that intimate-partner violence had declined by an average of only 0.2 percent annually over the previous two decades.

These estimates are alarming, but they do not capture the full spectrum of domestic abuse. Emotional manipulation, financial deprivation and controlling behaviour are not comprehensively reflected in the headline figures.

Nor is domestic abuse experienced exclusively by women. Men, children, older people and people with disabilities can also experience violence, neglect, intimidation and coercion within domestic relationships.

Nevertheless, international evidence shows that women bear a particularly substantial burden of intimate-partner and sexual violence.

The consequences extend beyond immediate injuries. Exposure to abuse is associated with depression, anxiety, reproductive health complications and other long term physical and psychological consequences. Children who witness violence at home may also experience lasting emotional and developmental difficulties.

In cases involving severe or repeated physical violence, the consequences may be irreversible. Domestic abuse can culminate in homicide, making the failure to recognise warning signs and respond to threats a matter of life and death.

Domestic abuse, therefore, is not merely a private relationship problem. It is a public health, human rights and social protection concern.

Pakistan: What the numbers reveal

In Pakistan, available statistics provide a troubling picture, although significant gaps remain between the violence people experience and the cases formally recorded.

The Pakistan Demographic and Health Survey (PDHS) 2017–18 found that 34 percent of ever married women aged 15 to 49 had experienced physical, sexual or emotional violence from a spouse.

Emotional violence was reported by 26 percent, physical violence by 23 percent and sexual violence by five percent.

The survey also found that 28 percent of women aged 15 to 49 had experienced physical violence since the age of 15, while six per cent reported sexual violence.

These figures are not interchangeable, as they measure different forms of violence and populations. They also reflect survey evidence from 2017–18 rather than the current prevalence in 2026.

More recent administrative records illustrate the scale of cases reaching formal reporting systems.

A report by the Sustainable Social Development Organization (SSDO), drawing on official data for 2024, documented 2238 reported domestic violence cases across Pakistan.

Punjab accounted for 1167 cases, followed by KP with 446, Sindh with 375 and Balochistan with 160. The dataset also reported cases from Islamabad, although published breakdowns contain inconsistencies in the capital's figure.

SSDO reported a national conviction rate of 1.3 percent for domestic violence cases in its dataset.

These numbers should not be interpreted as the total number of people experiencing abuse. Police records depend on complaints being made, offences being registered and cases being categorised appropriately. Survey based prevalence estimates and recorded criminal cases measure fundamentally different things.

The disparity becomes especially significant when the issue of silence is considered.

The PDHS 2017–18 found that 56 percent of women who had experienced physical or sexual violence had neither sought help nor spoken to anyone about resisting or stopping it.

UNFPA Pakistan identifies sociocultural barriers, economic dependence, limited information and inadequate access to support services among the factors associated with low help seeking.

For many survivors, therefore, the violence they experience may never enter an official record.

This silence can be especially dangerous in cases of physical violence. When assaults are concealed, dismissed or settled informally without adequate protection, survivors may remain exposed to further harm. A lack of formal complaints should never be mistaken for an absence of violence.

When abuse is mistaken for family life

Understanding domestic abuse in Pakistan requires examining the social environment in which relationships operate.

Marriage is often regarded not merely as a personal commitment but as an institution carrying obligations towards parents, in laws, children and extended family members.

These relationships can provide essential emotional and practical support. However, family expectations can also create pressure to conceal mistreatment or tolerate harmful behaviour.

A woman experiencing abuse may be advised to remain patient, avoid confrontation or preserve the marriage for the sake of her children.

She may hear that every household has problems, that husbands occasionally lose their temper or that discussing marital difficulties outside the family brings dishonour.

Such attitudes can have serious consequences when physical violence is involved. A slap may be described as an unfortunate mistake, a beating as the result of provocation, or repeated assaults as a matter to be resolved privately between husband and wife.

The suggestion that a woman should have behaved differently to avoid being assaulted shifts responsibility away from the perpetrator. Anger, disagreement or perceived disrespect cannot justify physical violence.

Equally concerning is the expectation that a victim should forgive an assault simply because the perpetrator expresses regret. Apologies may be meaningful in some circumstances, but they do not erase the violence or remove the need for safety, accountability and sustained behavioural change.

The language of adjustment and compromise, while important in healthy relationships, can become problematic when it is used to excuse intimidation, violence or systematic humiliation.

Financial dependence can further complicate matters. A woman who has limited independent income, lacks access to her financial resources or has spent years outside paid employment may face substantial obstacles in seeking protection or leaving an abusive household.

The situation may be particularly difficult for women with children, those living in rural areas, people with disabilities and individuals who lack supportive relatives.

Social status and education do not necessarily eliminate these risks. Abuse can occur in affluent and professionally accomplished households, where concerns about reputation or public exposure may create additional barriers to disclosure.

At the same time, it would be misleading to portray Pakistani families as uniformly oppressive or to attribute domestic abuse to culture alone. Supportive families, community networks and local organisations often play an essential role in helping survivors obtain protection.

The problem arises when preserving appearances becomes more important than ensuring someone's safety.

Why victims do not always leave

One of the most persistent misconceptions surrounding domestic abuse is that a person who continues living with an abusive partner must have accepted the behaviour.

This assumption overlooks the complexity of abusive relationships.

Leaving may involve financial uncertainty, loss of housing, threats concerning children, family rejection or fear of retaliation. Some survivors may lack access to legal assistance or safe accommodation.

Others may remain emotionally attached to their partners, particularly when periods of mistreatment are followed by apologies, affection or promises of change.

An abusive relationship is not necessarily characterised by continuous hostility. Alternating periods of kindness and intimidation can make the behaviour difficult to interpret and decisions about the future more complicated.

This dynamic can also occur in physically abusive relationships. Following an assault, the perpetrator may express remorse, offer reassurances or promise that the violence will never happen again. Such responses can create hope that the relationship will improve, even when the underlying behaviour remains unaddressed.

Psychological manipulation may also erode a person's confidence, leaving them uncertain about their ability to manage independently.

In Pakistan, the fear of social judgement can be especially consequential. Separated or divorced women may face questions about their character, parenting and willingness to compromise, while concerns about children's futures can influence decisions to remain.

None of these circumstances means that abuse has been accepted or that responsibility rests with the survivor.

Equally, leaving is not always an immediate guarantee of safety. Threats, stalking, harassment and disputes over children or property can continue after separation. In some cases, attempts to leave an abusive relationship may increase the risk of retaliation, making careful safety planning essential.

Effective responses must therefore prioritise individual circumstances, informed choices and practical safety planning rather than simplistic advice to leave immediately.

The misconceptions that allow abuse to continue

Misunderstandings about domestic abuse are not limited to those experiencing it. Families, friends and even institutions may fail to recognise behaviours that do not fit conventional images of violence.

One misconception is that abuse must involve physical injury. In reality, psychological intimidation, sexual coercion, financial deprivation and controlling behaviour can cause serious harm even without physical assault.

Yet the opposite misunderstanding is equally harmful: the belief that a physical assault is not serious unless it causes visible injury, occurs repeatedly or requires medical treatment.

A single slap is physical violence. Pushing someone, forcibly restraining them or threatening to hurt them cannot be dismissed merely because the incident does not result in hospitalisation.

Another misconception is that domestic abuse occurs primarily in economically disadvantaged or less-educated households. Although economic insecurity can increase vulnerability and limit access to assistance, wealth and education do not make a household immune to abuse.

A third misconception is that abuse is always obvious to outsiders. Many people experiencing mistreatment continue working, raising children, attending social gatherings and maintaining apparently stable family lives.

Abusive behaviour may also be concealed behind socially acceptable explanations. Excessive monitoring may be described as concern. Restrictions on employment may be justified as protection. Isolation from relatives may be presented as an attempt to avoid family disagreements.

Concern and protection, however, should not be confused with coercion.

The distinction becomes clearer when one person is afraid of the consequences of disagreement, loses meaningful control over everyday decisions or is repeatedly punished for exercising independence.

Another damaging assumption is that victims somehow provoke the violence directed against them. This belief can discourage reporting and reinforce the idea that the victim, rather than the perpetrator, is responsible for preventing future assaults.

Disagreements, arguments and relationship difficulties do not justify violence. Responsibility for an assault rests with the person who commits it.

Perhaps the most damaging misconception is that domestic abuse is a private matter in which outsiders should not interfere.

Privacy is an important part of family life. But it cannot justify violence, threats or deprivation of fundamental rights.

What protection does Pakistani law offer?

Pakistan has developed a range of legislative protections against domestic violence, although the applicable framework differs across jurisdictions.

Sindh enacted its Domestic Violence (Prevention and Protection) Act in 2013, followed by Balochistan in 2014. Punjab introduced the Protection of Women against Violence Act in 2016, while KP enacted domestic violence legislation in 2021.

A significant development came in January 2026, when the Domestic Violence (Prevention and Protection) Act, 2026, was enacted for Islamabad Capital Territory.

Unlike legislation framed specifically around women's protection, the Islamabad law recognises a broader range of potential victims, including women, men, transgender persons, children, older people and persons with disabilities.

In Punjab, the 2016 law addresses domestic, sexual, psychological and economic abuse, along with stalking and certain cyber related offences.

It enables eligible survivors to seek protection orders, residence orders and monetary relief through the courts.

Protection orders can restrict contact by an alleged abuser, while residence orders can help prevent a survivor from being unlawfully removed from the marital home. Monetary orders may provide financial relief for expenses arising from abuse.

These legal provisions are important because they recognise that protection from abuse may require more than criminal punishment. Survivors may also need housing, financial assistance, medical treatment and legal representation.

In cases involving physical violence, timely medical care, appropriate documentation of injuries and access to police protection may be particularly important. Survivors should not have to wait for repeated or more severe assaults before seeking assistance.

However, the existence of legislation does not automatically guarantee effective protection.

Access to police assistance, awareness of legal rights, availability of trained personnel, delays in judicial proceedings and the practical implementation of protection measures can all influence outcomes.

The SSDO's 2024 findings, particularly the low reported conviction rate in its domestic violence dataset, raise questions about how effectively cases progress through the justice system. Such figures must be interpreted alongside differences in reporting, investigation and case outcomes rather than treated as a complete assessment of every protection mechanism.

For survivors, the critical issue is whether legal rights translate into accessible, timely and meaningful assistance.

Where can survivors seek help?

Although many people remain unaware of them, Pakistan has government helplines, crisis centres, legal assistance services and shelters for people experiencing violence.

The Ministry of Human Rights operates the nationwide 1099 helpline, which provides free legal advice, counselling and referrals. It also lists WhatsApp assistance through 0333-9085709.

Punjab's Women's Helpline, 1043, operates around the clock and provides assistance concerning domestic violence, harassment, discrimination and legal rights.

The Punjab Women Protection Authority also operates a 24 hour helpline at 0800-01737, connecting women in crisis with relevant support services.

In Sindh, the Women Development Department's 1094 helpline and the Legal Aid Society's 0800-70806 number are listed among services available to survivors seeking assistance.

For those requiring accommodation, government run Dar ul Aman shelters and other protection facilities offer potential avenues of support.

UN Women's Pakistan country profile identifies shelter and support services across all four provinces, alongside federal facilities providing psychosocial, legal and medical assistance.

Punjab also operates 12 Shaheed Benazir Bhutto Human Rights Crisis Centres for Women, including facilities in Lahore, Rawalpindi, Faisalabad and Multan. These centres offer safety planning, psychological support, legal guidance and referrals for shelter.

For people facing immediate physical danger, contacting emergency services or reaching a safe location may be necessary. Where an assault has occurred, medical assessment can be important even when injuries are not immediately visible, particularly in cases involving the head, neck or strangulation.

Nevertheless, availability, eligibility requirements and the quality of services may vary by location. Survivors should be helped to identify appropriate assistance without being pressured into decisions that could increase their risk.

Help and support in Pakistan

Recognising abuse is only the beginning

Addressing domestic abuse requires more than encouraging survivors to speak out. It also requires ensuring that speaking out does not expose them to further harm.

Families can play a constructive role by listening without judgement, avoiding victim-blaming and helping individuals explore safe options.

They must also recognise that physical violence cannot be justified by marital disagreements, emotional distress or cultural expectations. Treating an assault as a private matter to be forgotten may discourage survivors from seeking help and allow further violence to occur.

Schools and universities can strengthen awareness of healthy relationships, consent, personal boundaries and the warning signs of coercive behaviour.

Healthcare professionals, meanwhile, can help identify abuse that might otherwise remain undisclosed, particularly when patients present with recurring injuries, anxiety or other health concerns.

Law enforcement agencies and judicial institutions need appropriate training and resources to respond sensitively and effectively, while protection services must be accessible beyond major urban centres.

Public awareness campaigns should also challenge the belief that maintaining a marriage or protecting family reputation must take precedence over personal safety.

Importantly, assistance should respect survivors' choices. Not everyone is ready or able to leave an abusive relationship immediately, and effective intervention requires confidentiality, informed consent and an understanding of individual risks.

The wider challenge is to change how society understands abuse itself.

A marriage may involve disagreement without intimidation. Financial responsibilities can be shared without coercion. Family obligations can be honoured without sacrificing individual dignity. Compromise can exist without fear.

And no disagreement, however serious, provides a justification for physical violence.

Domestic abuse begins to be recognised more clearly when these distinctions are understood.

For too long, public conversations about domestic violence have concentrated on its most visible consequences: injuries, criminal complaints, separation and, in the most extreme cases, death.

These consequences demand urgent attention. Physical violence is not merely another manifestation of an unhealthy relationship; it is a direct threat to bodily safety and, sometimes, to life itself.

But abuse may begin long before these outcomes, and its warning signs are not always physical.

It may begin with an apparently harmless restriction, a humiliating remark repeatedly dismissed as a joke, or a demand for obedience presented as an expression of love. It may also begin with a shove or a slap that everyone around the victim insists should be forgiven and forgotten.

Over time, such behaviour can erode a person's independence and sense of security. Where physical violence occurs, the consequences may become increasingly dangerous.

The absence of visible injuries does not mean the absence of harm. Nor does silence necessarily mean that everything is well.

Recognising domestic abuse means acknowledging both the violence that leaves physical scars and the forms of coercion that may remain unseen. It means refusing to excuse assault as anger, humiliation as discipline, deprivation as responsibility or control as affection.

Perhaps the most important question is no longer why so many people fail to report domestic abuse, but why so many are taught not to recognise it, or to accept it as an ordinary part of family life, in the first place.